Why I feel more heartache

I got a call from my Ob that I need to go to the Hospital to get an consulate about this antibodi that I have, not really understanding why, I dropped kaden off at school and off connor and I went. I have not delivered at this hospital before so it was all new to me.
When I checked in they sent me to the ultrasound room where all these cute moms were waiting to find out what they were having I have to say my little 2 yr old was such an angel never once the 4 hours we were there did he cry or wine he sat there and just played and then in the ultrasound room he sat with me on the chair looking at the baby... It was so fun to see the sweet little baby, he/she was strectching and moving all over how fun it was to see the little fingers and toes such a miracle these little spirits are!
After waiting another 30 minutes the Dr came in not my ob but a different Dr. came in to explain to me how this little spirit may not be doing so well. (not something an expecting mother wants to here)
At some point of the pregnancy with connor he had this antibodi c in his blood that somehow leaked into my blood, making my body make antigans to get rid of them but in the process my antigans went back into connors blood and that is why he was so sick when he was born. Ok so that makes sense now.... Well the antibodi c stayed in my blood which now that there is another baby in there the antibodi is making the baby really sick by making it Anemic, so now I have to be montiored almost every week with ultrasounds to make sure the baby does not get too anemic or it will not make it.
At some point if the baby is not progressing they will have to give this baby a blood transfussion which may or may not work. But some Dr.s just have no tack , how do you just tell a mother that her baby may die... I know they need to help you understand that may happen, but the way he told me was not very sensitive. When I got home all chris and I could think about what was the Dr said about the baby not making it to full term...
It is still all werid to me that my little connor had this rare blood disorder and how he gave it to me, you just never think something like that would happen to you, it is always something you here about.
My insurance won't cover anything until I pay my 2500 deductable but i am not paying that because then I will have to pay it again in Jan. So I am worried how I am going to be able to do all this with no insurance!
I am grateful that they can keep such a close look on the baby and make sure it is okay but knowing that there is nothing I can do to help this baby not be anemic, makes me feel helpless.
This is why I feel such heartache it is the UNKNOWN and the way this DR told me. Now that is all I think about. I would like to think they really know about this uncommon blood disorder but I just get the impression some Dr. just aren't so sure.
I get home from the hospital and pick kaden up and he says the cuttest thing" Mom did you get your baby cut out today? I want to see my new baby" he stood there all serious! I love the things 4 year old say....
I love my OB and believe he will do all he can! All I can do is leave this in the Lords hands..... It is a wonder how some things happen and how I am the 1 out of 2500 women that got it. I wanted to share how I was feeling, because in a time like this it is nice to have friends and family that support you and help keep you spirits alive. I will keep you updated when I go into my next ultrasound!
UNTIL NEXT TIME !